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Give me that large house
A large house on one or more acres in a neighborhood with other equally sized homes. Less people, less density, less noise, less traffic. Who wouldn’t want that? Especially when you consider the alternative: A home uncomfortably close to the neighboring property. So close you might even hear their toilet flush. Privacy? What’s that? Density = more cars, more people. Avoiding that neighbor who just noticed you and wants to chat even though you’re running late for work? Almost impossible. Thank you, none-gated and conversationally close house!
There are many appealing things about a single-family home on a large lot.
Many.
As planners, it’s difficult to pause and consider this powerful reality, especially when we push for people-centered communities designed to be healthier, equitable, vibrant, and safe. We value urban design that brings services closer to where people live. Infrastructure that encourages walking or biking. We see the waste of space in a landscape dominated by “the American Dream” even as demand for affordable housing surges.
We push back against the sprawling mentality that casts the car as the epitome of self-expression, liberty, and comfort, ignoring the devastating impact it has on our budgets, our planet, and our health. Still, it’s difficult to stop and really sit with this reality.
But stop, we must.
If we want people to understand the importance of a diverse housing landscape, we need to understand the importance of single family detached houses. The house is a powerful promise. It’s not just shelter—that’s too utilitarian. A house is as much an act of self-expression as it is a generational wealth vehicle, and more obviously, a mechanism of control.
With a house, you decide who has access to you, your time, your life.
Don’t like people? You’ve got a front yard, side setbacks, and a backyard to keep them away. When someone knocks on your door unexpectedly, you decide whether they keep knocking, stay on your property, or are strongly encouraged to stop wasting your time. Your house is your world. A world that gains more value the older it gets. A world that will lay the foundation for a new world in your family.
And when that world presses up against someone else’s, the boundaries blur. Suddenly your world feels less like yours and more like everyone’s. That’s one reason why over 50% of Americans prefer larger houses, farther from neighbors and farther from schools, shops, and restaurants. And to be clear, this pull toward single-family homes isn’t just nostalgia. Surveys show younger generations like millennials and even Gen Z still aspire to own detached houses. Part of it is cultural, part of it financial. Is not just about privacy, your world can be and oftern is the main vehicle for building wealth. Asking people to rethink housing patterns is asking them to give up what they see as both security and legacy
Of course, there’s another side to the dream of space and separation. A big yard and wide setbacks create distance, but not just physical distance. Research shows that car-dependent, low-density living contributes to higher rates of loneliness, depression, and sedentary lifestyles. The same walls and yards that shield you from the world can keep you from connecting with it.
We can’t ignore that.
Privacy, security and control are powerful, but so are belonging and well-being.
As planners, we know this. We know the reality behind large-lot homes versus diverse housing communities. Just as we know the reality behind a strong, multimodal transportation system with buses, rail, bikes, and walking. But despite these realities, people still prefer driving the same way they prefer single family homes.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
So what now?
How do we convince over half of America that a large house on a large lot isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? We can pile on statistics—we’re good at that—but for many, there will never be enough numbers to outweigh the personal value of their “castle.” That doesn’t make them bad people, It makes them human.
We still have to try. But when we do, we must remember that what we’re really asking of those who value large homes is to lay their kingdom down. And no matter how you slice it, giving up a kingdom is never cheap.