Ever wondered what zoning would be like if it were an actual person?
Because same.
Here’s our totally unscientific, completely relatable take on what zoning might be like… if it had a name, a job, and some unresolved issues.
Name: Zony Bufferzone
Age: Technically over 100, but still insists on being called 'modern'.
Occupation: Full-time boundary setter, part-time dream crusher, occasional community savior.
Personality Traits:
- Type A with a very real and very strong fear of mixed uses
- Likes things in neat, labeled boxes
- Struggles with flexibility, but has recently started therapy (form-based codes)
Style: Buttoned-up. Wears a tie even to a BBQ. Favorite accessory? A ruler.
Favorite Phrase: 'Not permitted in this district.'
Biggest Fear: Accessory Dwelling Units in the wild.
Pet Peeves:
- Nonconformities
- People who say 'just a minor variance'
- Being asked to support walkability without giving up parking
Growth Arc:
Zony used to be a strict segregationist (of uses, that is). But lately, he’s been trying to open up, exploring walkability, missing middle housing, and even (gasp) mixing residential and retail.
Why do we still invite him to the table?
Because love it or hate it, zoning shapes the places we live. And like that slightly uptight friend who insists on making the itinerary, Zony’s rules have a big impact, for better or worse.